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Eccentric Chess Master Bobby Fischer Dies; Finding Pallbearers Difficult as Only Two People Liked Him

Controversial Genius Spewed Anti-Everybody Rhetoric in Later Years

Bobby Fischer

Czech Mate. “Them stinkin’ Czech’s can’t play chess either,” says Bobby Fischer in this undated photo. “Wherever you’re from I’m sure I won’t like it.” The chess wiz found fault with everyone.

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Bobby Fischer, known later in life for his highly controversial and venomous rants, but perhaps the greatest American chess champion ever, died on Thursday in Reykjavik, Iceland. The cause was undisclosed. Funeral arrangements are still being made. Family members are struggling to find six people to act as pallbearers as nearly no known person liked him.

Fischer rose to grand master status at the young age of fifteen in 1958 and stunned the world with his 1972 Cold War victory over heavily favored Soviet chess champion Boris Spassky. But Fischer, whose bizarre behavior was legend, became a recluse a couple of years later and disappeared completely from view for nearly two decades. He resurfaced recently spouting his hateful diatribes on radio programs in Asia.

Angantyr Helgason and Baldvin Hrolfsdottir, Fischer’s personal driver and houseboy respectively, have agreed to carry his casket, but can’t find anyone to help. “If it’s only going to be us, it’ll be a challenge,” said Helgason. “The terrain here is treacherous for the standard six pallbearers. Don’t be surprised if he spills out of the box right into some hot springs.”

Helgason discovered Fischer’s lifeless body in the kitchen clutching a fork in one hand and three pawns and a rook in the other. “I went to pick him up at the usual time and place for his scheduled weekly condemnation of the United States and the Jews,” said the forty-seven year old chauffer. “But he wasn’t there. That’s when I knew something was wrong”

“It’s very odd. I have mixed feelings,” said former Russian chess champion Gary Kasparov. “The world has lost a great chess player today. It has also lost a guy who enjoyed bludgeoning Gypsies with frozen hams. So…whatever.”

Fischer’s dying wish was to be buried in the traditional chess match position – seated, and leaning forward, chin on wrist. “That’s Bobby,” added Kasparov. “Always ready to play.”

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