Sportsman's Daily


Two College Girls Threaten to Hold Their Breath Till Bert Blyleven Makes Hall of Fame

Tara Rey and Colleen Banks say they’ll hold their breath till Bert Blyleven makes it to the Hall of Fame

Waiting to Exhale. Tara Raymond and Colleen Banks say they’ll hold their breath till Bert Blyleven makes it to the Hall of Fame. They’ll have to wait till at least January of 2010.

COOPERSTOWN, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice will finally get to enjoy their day in the sun when they are inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame on July 26th in Cooperstown, New York. Joining them posthumously will be former Yankee and Indian second baseman, Joe Gordon.

One man who was holding his breath awaiting the summons – again – was pitcher Bert Blyleven. It was not to be, as he fell short of the necessary votes for induction.
But the author of 287 Major League victories wasn’t the only person holding his breath.
As a form of protest, two college sophomores are taking the term “peaceful demonstration” to next level. Tara Raymond and Colleen Banks, communications majors from Syracuse University camped out overnight Sunday evening into Monday morning in freezing temperatures, near the National Baseball Hall of Fame awaiting word on whether the pitcher fifth all-time in strikeouts would finally join the ranks of the immortals. When he was denied, they both began holding their breath until the voters reconsider.
“You’re probably wondering why we even care about a pitcher who last pitched when we were two,” said Colleen Banks. “Well, we have a connection – sort of.”
The connection Banks is referring to was an incident that occurred when her father, James Banks attended a baseball game in 1974 with his father, Elmer. During warm ups Blyleven threw an errant toss into the stands striking Elmer in the temple. Elmer survived, but the blow rendered him with permanent amnesia. He has insisted he’s English royalty ever since, even speaking with a flawless high class British accent. The Royal Family was so taken with Banks’ act, that they gave him a full share of quarterly dividends making him a rich man.
“They’ve lived pretty nicely since then,” said friend Tara Raymond who was beginning to turn a deep shade of lavender from oxygen deprivation. “And they’ve included me in everything. So the least we can do is support the guy who made Colleen’s grandfather a total whack job as well as fabulously rich.”
“Wow, I’m seeing spots,” Banks added, her eyes rolling to the back of her head. “I hope Bert appreciates what we’re doing.”  

Both girls claim they will continue to hold their breath for as long as it takes despite the threat of severe brain damage and death.
Dr. Stuart Middleton, a lifelong resident of Cooperstown, happened upon the two young women as they both began to experience what he called an “acute hallucinatory state.”
“It’s a terrible thing to witness,” said Middleton. “The hallucinations come fast and furious. First, a pulsating blue light and green and purple spots appear. Then a complete stranger comes up to you and asks if you’ve got Stones tickets.  No wait, I’m thinking of something else.”

Middleton paused momentarily, glanced at his watch and added, “Gee, I sure hope a real doctor gets here soon. I can’t help them. My degree’s in quantum physics.”

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