Sportsman's Daily


Banks Give up Ballpark Naming Rights as Part of Bailout Deal; Will Name Urinals Instead

muscle pain

Leakin’ Financial. Financial institutions will now target people in the bathroom.

NEW YORK, NY (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) So who is going to get the naming rights to the new Mets ballpark? The answer remains to be seen. In a stunning ruling announced yesterday, the new facility will no longer be named Citi Field after Citi Bank.  Brand new U.S. Government bailout legislation dictates the naming rights must shift to a more reliable, stable group of businesses.

“I’m available,” said Nick Tragoulis, a Greek street vendor. “I’ve been here since 1974. You can’t get more stable than that. How about Nick Park?”

But Tragoulis, along with many others, will have to get in line.  One line where the answer is clear, is the line for the urinals.

The Eljer Company, makers of urinals and toilets since 1904, has teamed with CitiBank and has emblazoned the bank’s logo in the drain areas of the stadium’s 220 urinals, giving them optimum coverage.  

“We’re very excited,” said Eljer spokesperson, Nathan Fistings. “When a gentleman’s urine goes down the drain, it will remind him exactly where his savings are going as well. We think it’s a very fitting tie in. It’s marketing dollars at work.”

CitiBank as well as several other financial institutions affected by the federal rescue plan will lose naming rights to baseball parks as part of the agreement. It is yet to be determined if the ruling will apply to stadiums and arenas in other sports.

“So let me get this straight,” said Anthony Barbosa of Queens, New York. “Every time I take a leak, I’m pissin’ on CitiBank? I like that. Gives new meaning to Flushing, New York.”

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