Sportsman's Daily

 

Member of Carmello's Posse Let Go; Athletes Feeling Economic Pinch Trim Payroll

bling

Formerly a member of Carmello Anthony's posse, Clayton Raines
leaves for job interview dressed for excess.

DENVER, CO (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) — The financial crisis roiling Wall Street and Main Street has now, improbably, spilled over onto Easy Street, as millionaire athletes have who've seen 20-40% of their net worth disappear in the span of two weeks, are playing just to recoup their staggering losses. The previously alien concept of cost-cutting is now a hot topic of conversation among wealthy young men who've never had to do so much as balance a checkbook. But financial realities are forcing them to take a hard look at their expenses; while "core" extravagances (cars, jewelry, private jets, lap dances) are, understandably, exempt (the "cost of doing business"), many of the athletes we spoke to are zeroing in on bloated posses—the 4-6 salaried "enablers" whose chief function is to prolong the athlete's indefinite post-adolescence.

"If the posse's four deep and your sole role is scoring weed, it's just a matter of time before you're on the street hustling for work," said Clayton Raines, who was recently let go by Carmello Anthony, his boyhood friend. "People see you palling around with LeBron, you're drinking expensive champagne in the roped off VIP section, honeys throwing themselves at you…they don't realize the risks. After four years as a salaried gopher and yes-man, you got no skills to fall back on. Being good at Madden Football ain't gonna get it done."

Other NBA, NFL, NHL and MLB stars have in recent days trimmed their posse payroll.

"The savings go well beyond payroll," said Milton Seymour, a CPA whose clients include several big name athletes, including Josh Howard and Adam "PacMan" Jones. "It also limits your legal exposure as the overwhelming majority of strip club brawls start when some fool hanger-on starts mouthing off."

Though Raines's job prospects are bleak, he harbors no ill-will toward Anthony.

"It's business. And for the past two years I really didn't have a lot to do, to tell you the truth. Melo used to like this face I'd make – it cracked him up. A week could go by, I'm just hanging in his house, watering the plants and smoking weed. If he needed a laugh, I'd hop on a plane, meet him in Chicago or Phoenix, he'd ask me to make the face, he'd crack up, then three hours later I'm back on the plane watering his plants and chillin' in his game room. Looking back I'm just glad that I was able to make Melo happy."

Raines has met with a career counselor and is looking forward to getting on with his life.

"I never really gave a lot of thought to life after Melo. You never think it's gonna end. And it's not like you're gonna get picked up by another dude's posse. I'll just have to see what's out there. If you're looking for computer skills or whatever it takes to deliver pizza, I'm not your guy. But if you're reading this and can use someone whose loyal, who'll run errands, and can get you onto the guest list for Jay-Z's next party, I'm available. So long as I don't have to get out of bed and make fresh squeezed oj before the morning
shoot-around, I'm good to go."

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