Sportsman's Daily


Archie Griffin Drives by Tim Tebow’s Dorm Flashing Both His Heismans

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The Heisman Maneuver.  Archie Griffin may have had the inside scoop on whether he’d enjoy the company of Tim Tebow or not.

GAINESVILLE, FL (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Archie Griffin, the former Ohio State running back and only two time winner of the Heisman Trophy, drove by Florida Gators quarterback Tim Tebow’s dormitory hall late Sunday evening furiously honking the horn of his Ford Explorer. Once he captured the attention of Tebow, he thrust his two Heisman Trophy awards high into the air in plain view of the highly touted signal caller as well as several hundred onlookers.  Tebow, who was honored with last year’s Heisman and a favorite to be only the second two-time winner, lost out to Sam Bradford, the quarterback of the Oklahoma Sooners.   

“This is what it looks like, bitch,” screamed Griffin during an uncharacteristically angry diatribe. “I thought I’d have had me some company, but you blew it. It’s still all about me.”

It remains unclear if Griffin was mocking Tebow or there was a different emotion at work bubbling underneath.

“Archie is literally in a class all by himself,” said sports psychologist Carson Cavett. “Think about it, there is no other person who has ever lived to win two Heismans. Not even John Heisman had two Heismans. It must be a lonely and confusing feeling. There’s no brotherhood. More guys have walked on the moon or stuck their dicks in an oscillating fans to pledge a fraternity than there are multiple Heisman winners. It’s not clear to me from Archie’s stunt if he was taunting Tebow or was crushed by his inability to stand along side him in the pantheon of college football’s most elusive accomplishment.”

Most college football analysts agree that one day Griffin will indeed have company. In fact, either Tebow or Bradford could come back next year and win the award again since they are both eligible.  

“I hope for his sake someone does join him,” said college football broadcasting legend Keith Jackson. “But until then, Griffin must wait – and walk alone on a journey only he has taken – an arduous, unending trek he alone understands. Perhaps he can find peace through diversion – an escape from his own personal hell and stick his dick in an oscillating fan.”

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